50 Men in Black Quotes From the Sci-Fi Comedy Series

Enjoy reading through these Men in Black quotes from the science fiction action comedy films.

Men in Black, stylized as MIB, is a series of American science fiction action comedy films directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, and based on the Malibu/Marvel comic book series The Men in Black by Lowell Cunningham.

The comic book series itself is based on a conspiracy theory. These MIB, MIIB (Men in Black II) and MIB3 (Men in Black 3) quotes feature some of the funniest lines from Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, and the supporting cast. Will Smith had a hit song in the 90s based on the film series, too! The story features two agents of a secret FBI team that protects the world from Aliens.

The first film, Men in Black, was released in 1997. Men in Black II, followed in 2002, and the third film, Men in Black 3, was released in 2012.

A fourth film, Men in Black: International, was released in 2019, however, Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones were not in it (keep reading to find out why).

Amblin Entertainment and MacDonald/Parkes Productions produced all four films. The films were distributed through Columbia Pictures.

Don’t forget to also check out these Slaughterhouse 5 quotes about the Sci-Fi anti-war novel.

J & K Men in Black quotes from the first movie

1. “A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it.” ― K, Men in Black

2. “Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you’ll know tomorrow.” ― K, Men in Black

3. “See that? NYPD, means I will Knock Your Punkass Down!” ― J, Men in Black

4. “You know what the difference is between you and me? I make this look GOOD.” ― J, Men in Black

5. “You need to ease up out my face before something bad happen to you. Too late.” ― J, Men in Black

6. “Arquillian battle rules, kid: first we get an ultimatum, then a warning shot, then we have a galactic standard week to respond.” ― K, Men in Black

7. “So, big bad bug got a bit of a soft spot, huh?” ― J, Men in Black

8. “There’s only one way off this planet, baby, and that’s through me.” ― J, Men in Black

9. K: The roaches check-in.

J: They don’t check out.

10. “Boy, it just be rainin’ black people in New York!” ― J, Men in Black

11. “Oh, the red button there kid. Don’t ever, ever touch the red button.” ― K, Men in Black

Other awesome Men In Black Quotes from the first movie

12. “You humans! When will you learn size doesn’t matter? Just because something’s important, doesn’t mean it’s not very small.” ― Frank the Pug, Men in Black

13. “You idiots! You don’t get it―I’ve won! It’s over! You’re milksuckers! You don’t matter! In fact, in just a few seconds you won’t even BE matter!” ― Edgar, Men in Black

14. “You don’t want to eat me. I’m a very important person on my planet. Like a queen, a goddess even. There are those who worship me. I’m not saying this to impress you, I’m just warning you it could start a war.” ― Dr. Weaver, Men in Black

15. “We’re not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here.” ― Zed, Men in Black

16. “You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers.” ― Edgar, Men in Black

17. “You insesitive jerk! Do you have any idea how much that stings?” ― Jeebs, Men in Black

18. “I’ll put my hands on my head. Like this?” ― Edgar, Men in Black

19. “He looked all right to me.” ― Jeebs, Men in Black

20. “Hey! This is my truck!” ― Edgar, Men in Black

J & K Men in Black quotes from the second movie

21. “When you get sad, it rains.” ― K, Men in Black II

22. “Look, I know you’re a little scared. And I’m gonna keep it real with you, I’m a little scared too.” ― J, Men in Black II

23. “We are who we are… even if we sometimes forget it.” ― K, Men in Black II

24. “Am I supposed to take advice on love from a dude that chases his own ass?” ― J, Men in Black II

25. “Yeah & you look like crap.” ― J, Men in Black II

26. “OK, here we go automatic pilot…It is not automatic pilot…” ― K, Men in Black II

27. “I could really use a steering wheel here.” ― K, Men in Black II

28. “We don’t have no damm steering wheel this what we’ve got.” ― J, Men in Black II

29. “I never worked at a funeral home. There’s something I could do for you, slick?” ― K, Men in Black II

30. “Actually, it came with a black dude, but he kept getting pulled over.” ― J, Men in Black II

Funny Men in Black II quotes from the supporting cast

31. “Silly little planet. Anyone could take over the place with the right set of mammary glands.” ― Serleena, Men in Black II

32. “Listen Zarthan, you know where the light is, and I will find it. Once we have the light, Zartha will be ours.” ― Serleena, Men in Black II

33. “If I could have your attention while we go over the safety procedures. Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, and if at any point you become disoriented, there’s nothin’ we can do about it.” ― Jeebs, Men in Black II

34. “Kay, wait! I never got the updated software!” ― Jeebs, Men in Black II

35. “Oh great, right in the pie-hole! Now nothing’s going to taste right!” ― Jeebs, Men in Black II

36. “I’m looking for a new assistant, it’s not fieldwork but you’ll get better dental.” ― Zed, Men in Black II

37. “Hey, Jay. Zero percent body fat.” ― Frank the Pug, Men in Black II

38. “When we’re kids before we’re taught how to think, or what to believe, our hearts tell us there is something else out there. I know what I saw. You tell me what I’m supposed to believe.” ― Laura, Men in Black II

39. “Yeah pretty lady. (licks her) You taste good.” ― Creepy, Men in Black II

40. “Yada, yada. She’s attractive, she’s not that kind of species & I’m attractive.” ― Frank the Pug, Men in Black II

The best Men In Black 3 quotes

41. “This is my new favorite moment in human history!” ― Griffin, Men in Black 3

42. “See, here’s the problem. You can’t smell it because your nose already smells like that, but my nose doesn’t.” ― J, Men in Black 3

43. “Seriously, I’m not even sure that’s meat. I think I just saw a tooth in that thing. or a claw. or a hoof.” ― J, Men in Black 3

44. “But first we gonna get high.” ― Jeffrey Price, Men in Black 3

45. “The bitterest truth is better than the sweetest lie.” ― Griffin, Men in Black 3

46. “First of all, my name is J. Okay? It’s not son, it’s not slick and it damn sure ain’t no Cochise.” ― J, Men in Black 3

47. “I promise you the secrets of the universe, nothing more.” ― K, Men in Black 3

48. “He killed my partner! I want to know when and where you sent him.” ― J, Men in Black 3

49. “I worked with Zed for over 40 years and in all that time he never invited me to dinner, he never asked me to his house to watch a game, he never shared a single detail of his personal life.” ― K, Men in Black 3

50. “So what, there’s some secrets out there that the universe doesn’t know about?” ― J, Men in Black 3

Which of these Men In Black quotes is your favorite?

According to Laurie MacDonald, MIB producer, Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones were not in the fourth film because “When we finished the third, we did all talk about the fact that we that we didn’t feel there was another film.”

They felt the film had been completed and there wasn’t enough for a fourth film. She mentions how it took them years to start developing the fourth one because they weren’t sure whether they even would.

The fourth film starred Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson. The movie didn’t do well at the box office and received generally negative reviews. Critics claimed the action and plot were “lackluster” and “forgettable.”

Unfortunately despite the chemistry between Hemsworth and Thompson, it is often considered to be the worst of the series.

What was your favorite Men in Black movie? Do you have any other Men In Black quotes and sayings to add? Let us know in the comment section below.